Electric.

What breaks your bones is not the load you're carrying. What breaks you down is all in how you carry.

Wednesday. What a wonderful day. Wednesday is by far the busiest day in the entire week. Two double lessons, back-to-back, such fun. But, for today, for today, I finally realised that I am a teacher, I am the teacher. The sense of being, hello, nice to meet you, for the first time.

After the kerfuffle I had last Wednesday, I met this Wednesday with a scar in my heart - well, not literally, metaphorically, oh dear, English-obsessive alert. But when life breaks you, you pick life up and mend it. Keep cool and carry on. My ideaology, well, one of my many, just like I think all staircase should be fitted with slides, such fun. Anyway.

Got in this morning. I was in a good mood, well, like many other days - it is the start, you have to feel good, don't you? After swapping classrooms, I made a jumpstart to my lesson. I always have a feeling that - you will know after a few minutes whether this lesson is going to be good or not. You can sense it in the air. Today was one of those days. The good days, that is. Everything went surprisingly well. I had a moment in the middle of the lesson when I said to myself, 'oh my god, well done, you, well done, myself'. It was a really lame moment, myself bigging myself up with my inner thoughts.

A student of mine commented on the excessive use of the phrase 'OK./OK?/O-K!/O-K?' in every single sentence. Last time someone mentioned this, my mentor shouted at them and said 'that is rude - sir is new to this school - it is a natural reflex.' Oh well, this time, student would meet feedback, Mr C-style!

'Well, OK is my favourite word. OK? Is that a problem with you, OK? I mean I can stop using the word OK, OK, but it is OK for now?' - 'OK.' The student laughed and never spoke again, but then the dear friend did reply with 'sir, you are funny.' Well, to be honest, I was really self-conscious for the rest of the lesson, desperately trying to avoid the word OK. But then, I put my hands up, OK, you win, right? Right? I laughed out loud.

Technology is a mysterious thing. It works in magical ways. In most of my cases, this magic is like my students' disappearing homework, magic. Just like last week, technology will fail you. And when nothing else fails you, everything will fail you, and never Follow-you. I looked at the classroom I was in, a pile of wires and two speakers on the floor - the question 'is the speaker working' was pointless. IT 1 - Mr C 0.

It's OK (oh damn, I said OK again). I shall narrate it and adjust the plan accordingly. I was pushing the kids to discuss. It was really engaging. I was in love with this lesson til the laptop debacle.

Research time. Laptops for everyone! But, a few seconds after handing the laptops out, the students, one by one, said the dreadful news, the news that everyone dreads to hear,

'the Internet is not working, sir.'

Always prepare for the worse. To be honest, I thought I was going to panic and lose track. I tend to do that when I am lost - I stare into deep space and have a little 'me-moment'. I wouldn't say or do anything. Zoned out. The brain's way of telling me to 'PANIC!' or maybe 'PLEASE CALM DOWN. THIS IS AWKWARD.' But then as if I wasn't in control of myself. I turned back and yelled, TEXTBOOKS.

I had never been this quick in response in my entire life. I picked up a textbook and found the page for them to read. Then, I asked 'do we have the BTEC textbook as well'. The response was lightning in my sense. I looked back on my mentor's face - I am terrible at reading facial expressions, actually. Is that a 'pleasantly surprised' face or a 'strangely disgusted' face? - This was followed by a lot of writing on my lesson observation sheet. I shall not panic - I should say that to myself sometimes. But then this day, I was doing it subconsciously. It was weird. It was near out of body.

I had a pat on my shoulder from myself after the lesson - not because it was sore, although it is quite sore, as a matter of fact. Turned out it was pleasantly surprised. That mad rush of scribble on the sheet were a lot of positive comments and things to improve on next time. Q strands, tick, tick, tick, ... Oh, tick.

I am a happy man. This false sense of security turned out to be less false than it was.
I love my job.

Bring on SE2.
iD + :T C.